by Andrew Davie

 

Proposition: Ian Kilmister (henceforth referred to as Lemmy) of the band “Motorhead,” drank a bottle (750 ml) of Jack Daniel’s a day and had since he was thirty years old; he lived to be Seventy. Other factors which might have affected longevity: intake of amphetamines, ingestion of chips (also known as fries), and hours of time spent at fruit machines (henceforth known as one-armed bandits or slot machines). His liver should be studied for various practical applications due to it’s endurable qualities and regenerative ability.

Obversion: In 2000, Lemmy was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. In 2013, he had an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator inserted. His use of drugs after this diagnosis can be referred to as “Dogged insolence in the face of mounting opposition to the contrary.” His death was the result of prostate cancer, congestive heart failure, and cardiac arrhythmia.

Contrapositive: Other bassists including Rex Brown (henceforth referred to as Rex) of the bands “Pantera,” and “Down,” and Michael McKagan (henceforth referred to as Duff) of the bands “Guns N’ Roses,” and “Velvet Revolver,” both suffered from acute pancreatitis due to heavy drinking. A Mnemonic for remembering the causes for pancreatitis: I GET SMASHED, I – Idiopathic, G – Gall stones, E – Ethanol, T – Traumas, S – Steroids, M – Mumps, Malignancy, A – Auto-immune, S – Scorpion Sting, H – Hypercalcemia, Hyperlipidemia, E – ERCP or Endoscopic Retrograde Cholangiopancreatography, D – Drugs. In the case of Duff and Rex, the assumption is E and D (E in this case as Ethanol, not E as in ERCP), although we can’t rule out S as in Scorpion sting (not S as in Steroids) as with regards to the prognosis of Jeff Hanneman, of the band Slayer, developing Necrotizing Fasciitis as a result of a spider bite. However, he was not a bassist. Though Hanneman eventually curbed his drug intake “This can only lead to death or something; this is going too far,” he later died from cirrhosis of the liver due to years of heavy drinking. It is unknown whether Duff or Rex ingested amphetamines, ate chips, or spent any time in front of one-armed bandits. It is unknown whether playing bass will ward off spiders.

Material Implication: 1: Bass players have the propensity to drink a lot. 2: Gambling, amphetamines, and french fries may impact longevity. 3: Arachnids cause pancreatic problems and flesh eating disease.

 

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Andrew Davie received an MFA in creative writing from Adelphi University. He taught English in Macau on a Fulbright Grant. Currently, he teaches in Virginia. His work can be read in Bartleby Snopes, Necessary Fiction, and The South Dakota Review, among others. His website: asdavie.wordpress.com.